, , ,

Saying that we’re born in the wrong body is a somewhat simplistic way of identifying our problem to those who really want to know what we’re about. Yes, science has found that many transsexuals have physical characteristics in the brain that do not correlate with the body they are born with. This is true and, in this case, it can be emotionally painful to have to live with the body you’re given.

But what I’d like to talk about is not only is there pain living with the wrong body but I feel there is also pain in living a lie. That is one thing that had always bothered me. When I quit smoking about 14 years ago, I went to a cross dressing place in Toronto and lived as a woman for the weekend. I arrived in male clothing, got dressed and went shopping in the Eaton’s Centre. The owner of the place was very surprised because I stepped out without even a hint of hesitation and I guess that is not normal for many cross dressers – especially for their first time. I didn’t tell her that it just felt so natural to me because I was a woman.

That weekend was wonderful because I wasn’t living a lie. I was living life as myself. What was sad is that the weekend had to come to an end. I dressed as a man and went back home. As I typed that I wonder which mode was really cross dressing – me in male clothing or me in female garments. Anyway, I didn’t have the courage to come out as a trans-woman for another 12 years.

When I started transitioning it was the absence of that lie that made life so much more comfortable. Yes, I was happier but that was more a secondary effect. It’s not the clothing and it’s not the makeup or any other accessory, it’s the fact that I’m living my life as completely and honestly as I can – as me.

I’ll refer you to a quote I’ve come across “I didn’t transition to be happy, I transitioned to be.” If you can understand that short little line then you get it.


This subject came up in a conversation with a good friend. She knows who she is. Thank you hun.